Being Illogical

It was a cold December night when the scientist climbed to the roof of his house. His face cold, his eyes hollow and his mind whirling as the world dissolved with each staggering step he took. Everything around him carried less meaning now than it had three years back when he moved into the town. A town that he had, after much reluctance, started loving much like every other thing that he had come across in life. But today was different. Today was his day of realization. He had not discovered anything new, no. In fact, he had never discovered anything valuable in his life and the others called him scientist just to please him. Today, however, was different as I mentioned before because today he had realized his mistakes.  He had realized what a fool he had been all his life and still been happy about it.

It all started with a book he was gifted at the age of 12- “How to stay forever happy”. Not the kind of book one buys at 12 but he had been a happy soul form his early days and he loved being himself. “Funny people all around that there is a need to write such books. At least, I am the sane one”, thought the scientist after finishing the first few pages. Much like his future predictions, this was not true either and much like his future predictions, he believed it firmly. The lawns of his school had started appearing greener when the scientist first saw the girl he liked. The winter mornings of the small Punjab town smelled sweeter with the dew and the view of the girl passing outside his house for school. “I am going to share my lunch with her today”, he thought four times before leaving the house, everyday. Months passed and so did the year but the scientist never said a word to the girl until lastly it was time to move to his hometown. Tears rolled down his eyes with the announcement with a smile as ruse . It is difficult to distinguish between joy and sorrow when the moods of people are different and the young teen understood this. On his journey back on train the scientist decided to earn a lot of money one day and come back to Punjab. To never again live the miserable life of dependence. Nature, however, got the better of him soon after he came to his new home.

A cold breeze brought the scientist back from his contemplation.  The mist around covered the world which he had grown neutral to. His failure in his profession was not what had haunted him. Nor did any human relation for he paid little heed to those around him. He had come to the realization that even after his refusal to admit his defeat, after all his efforts, he was a looser. That was the only way he saw to defend himself. All those great sayings defining a loser as someone who accepts his defeat are platitudes to one who has seen the small difference between a loss and a win. He had been above average in wits and passion. He had been overly and truly nice to people around him. And he had never shunned form responsibilities. These all never mattered however as the real world works in different ways.  He had loved the world around too much to see the ugly face of reality. The dark around showed the world in its true colors- black and white. Colors just add feelings to an otherwise simple world.  The secret was to stay alive and have no affection.  A mean world around lurched for those too soulful. He would go out tomorrow not because life was beautiful, but because it is important to be a winner. There were no reasons for that way of life, nor was there any reason to much that he had done up till that night. Too long a life had he wasted trying to reason. Reasons are created, reality exists. It was time he started admitting reality and not caring the facts.


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